The rules of the CharLoft are simple enough – no damaging the furnishings, no spilling blood on the floor (ever), and no disrupting the peace. Failure to comply with any of these rules may result in being catapulted into the Void unannounced, clipped into the floor (which is as painful as it sounds), or locked out of the CharLoft entirely. Flagrant violations may result in extremely painful and amusing acts of torture and degradation first.

Some enterprising patrons have gone so far as to try to enforce an unofficial code of conduct - for instance, no discussing Nazism, no smoking around the easily offended, and no discussing the unfortunate terminal points of bad timelines. These rules are often ignored, though. This hasn't stopped a sign from being posted…

The definition of 'disrupting the peace' tends to vary according to the whims of the owner, the barista on duty, and the patrons, but generally this includes the following:

• Protracted harassment of paying customers / regulars.
• Protracted acts of stupidity.
• Public sexual activities, including in the unisex restroom.
• Attacking the barista or other Loft staff.
• Killing or incapacitating the barista or other Loft staff.
• Convincing an entire roomful of people to call for your execution, dismissal, banishment, etc.
• Extended failure to order.

These rules are informal, yet are often enforced through the barista, who uses a walkie-talkie to call the boss or other staff members for support in dealing with an unfortunate situation. Also, it is notable that getting blood on the floor typically causes the affected room to cease to exist for fifteen minutes, dumping all occupants temporarily into the Void, before being automatically returned after the fifteen minutes has expired (with the furnishings cleaned and restored to their original pristine state). Those responsible for the bloodshed, if any, occasionally don't return - at least, not to the Char Loft.

All of the standard offerings of the CharLoft are clearly visible on menu boards, with prices listed in American currency. Anything not listed on the board, and any currency aside from 2009 American dollars, is handled and charged for at the discretion of the barista on duty. The barista only accepts exact change as a rule (with whatever exceeds the cost of the goods sold being their tip), although baristas may be willing to provide change to disadvantaged and unfortunate visitors at their whim.