By: Investigangster Klutz, Captain of the Moon Dump 3000.

Are you the captain? If not, do you aspire to be a captain?! Well look no further. With this guide, you can be captain of anything. Even if you’re a staffie, by reading this book, you will surely be captain material.

Let’s start off with something easy. Round start. On every approved station, you will start off with your captain’s locker, a spare ID, a hand teleporter, and an authentication disk and tracker. It’s OK if you don’t know what any of this does. Hell, I don’t even know.

In your locker, there’s a few things you should note. You have a spare set of armor, clothes, and most importantly, your energy gun. Everything you don’t plan on taking out with you into the ship should go in your locker, or in your magical secure safe. Your spare headset, you should keep on you, or in the safe, in case someone decides to break in and usurp your rule! Your energy gun can be traded in for a sword if it hasn’t been scanned by a mechanic, and if it is fully charged, via the “Check Job Rewards” command.

Now that you’re all geared up, and your office is squared away, keep an eye out for the enemy intercept communication you may be receiving from Corporate Command. Keep in mind that this information isn’t always correct, and you shouldn’t tell anyone who doesn’t have command access what it says.

When going about the station, you should monitor the radio, for any major threats. You should also listen out for revolutionists, as they are bad news. However, times where there aren’t any threats are your free time. You’re the captain, do what you want! Nobody can tell you no! (Apart from security, don’t mess with security, they have stun batons.)

If you ever hear people yelling “NUKIES” on the radio, that means you should stop what you’re doing, and form a plan with security. Remember that authentication disk from earlier? Your job is to get your disk in the nuke and activate it inside the nuke. By doing that you’ll give the station extra time to beat it until it breaks. However, the disk works backwards too. If a Syndicate scumbag puts it in, it will decrease the time, making your crew's chances of survival decrease.

If you are ever walking about, and all of the sudden you get mobbed, and you also get the urge to fight all of them, don’t. They are part of a revolution and they’re only strong in numbers. A few other ways to tell if it's revs include: Hearing it on the radio. Hearing the distinct ping of a revolutionary flash, or seeing someone be converted. (You will see their eyes turn red, and they will be stunned). There are a few ways to deconvert revs. Smacking sense into them, electrocution, and, the more humane, but slower way of giving them a counter-revolutionary implant.

Revolutions are trouble. If they aren’t nipped early, you will be in danger. On most stations, counter-rev implants are located both in the bridge, and in security. There are also 3 in the security vending machines. You can order these implants at cargo too, but be careful. Revolution heads are smart too and like to rev cargo. Try your best to not kill converted crew members, but do remember, your life is more important than theirs. You can work with other heads, and security to quell the revolution.

The clown is a strange creature, and they sometimes appear on your station. They act in a variety of ways, the rarest being funny. WARNING Approach with extreme caution, as the clown is a force to be reckoned with. However, despite this, clowns do have feelings too, and they are often a station’s last line of defense against major threats. Sometimes they will ask you for all access. This is what your spare ID is for. Slide it over peacefully, and with luck they won’t clown you.

Congratulations! You’ve made it to the end of the guide! Now you have what it takes to be one of Nanotrasen’s many fine captains. Grab a beer! Kick back! Have fun! As you can see, the captain doesn’t have very many responsibilities, so you’ll do fine! Head on over to job preferences, and move Captain up a notch!